i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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