take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
