drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
