I puked a lego.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
