Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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