My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
