I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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