Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
