You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
