I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
