i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize