you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
