he puts the penis in happiness.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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