Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
