weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
