is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
