Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
