im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
