My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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