I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
