is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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