Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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