so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
