he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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