He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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