im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
