I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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