I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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