I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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