3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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