k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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