lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
