Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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