I'm so fucking centered right now
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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