cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
