This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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