pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
