I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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