Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
