Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just found puke in my bra..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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