lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
