And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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