Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
