I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
