She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
