Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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