The maid of honor just puked.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
