Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
