the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
