she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
