you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I want a musical about memes.
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