At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
