i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
