A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
