she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
