super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
