He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
