aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
