i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
