you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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