Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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