Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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