I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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