a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
