She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize