im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
