I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize