You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
