so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
