if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
