3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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