the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
vagina is talking i cant
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
