You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
