He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
