So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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