oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
