A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize