I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
