Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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