apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
