sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
