You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
