What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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