His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
